Fashion Failure

I leafed through the "FD/Luxe" insert to The Dallas Morning News today.
Will I ever be able to join that alternate universe where haute couture is attractive and/or affordable?
Will I ever get a satisfactory answer to the question, "Why do those models look so bored and annoyed?"?
Will I ever give up on scanning the photos of the neat & cool events to see if there's anyone I know ?
And why is it that the men in those photos either look laughably awful (though stylish) or just old?

I admit to being a fashion failure.
But they're always glad to see me at Target.